Run the Race

As many of my friends and relatives know by now, I am training for a marathon in December. Training began in June with the group from Luke’s Locker in Colleyville. My friend, Cardiologist, and employer, Dr. Wray, encouraged me to join the group. Our conversation around the office has made work days a lot more enjoyable. We joke about our tired legs and snail pace in the Texas summer heat. It’s really been a lot of fun.

Yet it’s such a struggle.

Each day has its own set of challenges. One morning I may pop awake ready to go while other days it is everything I can do to get out of bed. Some runs are energizing while others are draining. My muscles hurt. I’m tired. I’m HUNGRY. It’s hot…so dang hot.

I’ve only been routinely running since the beginning of the year when I trained for Cowtown half marathon in February. It was an amazing experience and accomplishment I will never forget…both a physical and spiritual high. Every time I ran I listened to worship music while lifting hands, praising Jesus, and singing out loud when I felt moved. Jesus fueled me.

Recently I have focused more during my long runs on talking with others getting to know them than on listening to music or praising Jesus.

And I have struggled.

I have felt like a lead weight…heavy…weak. I longed for the lightness and the lift I felt before. Every run drained me and I just didn’t understand. Is it the heat? Is it my diet? Is it stress on my body? Maybe it’s a little of all of those things. Mostly, it’s Jesus.

I set my goals before my God. This isn’t me. This isn’t my style. I’m not a runner first and child of God second. No wonder I was struggling.

This past weekend our group run was a giant 18miles…new territory for this rookie. I heeded the advice of a great friend and runner in regards to preparation. I ate the right things at the right time, got good sleep, and took enough fuel for my run. While all of those things are great, a runner loses confidence when the mental game defeats you. So I armored up by making a playlist of worship and tempo songs. I wasn’t facing Goliath with only a sling shot and a rock…I was bringing Jesus.

And there it was…the confidence and lightness in my Spirit I had been longing for all this time. Jesus had my back, my side, and the path set before me. Some of the runners and I sang and praised Jesus all along those 18 miles. And we were strong. We were uplifted. Praise the name of the Lord.

My encouragement to you is that no matter what your course is today…4 miles or 18… cool weather or hot… uphill resistance or fast… you got this. Set your eyes on Jesus and run the race set before you. Obviously, I am not only talking to runners but to anyone with a struggle today. Whatever the Goliath is in your life…take it to Jesus. With every step and every breath you take praise the name of Jesus. Call on his Spirit power to strengthen you and rebuke all else.

There are so many issues on the daily in my life that trip me up…a mean-spirited coworker, a stubborn child, a scary diagnosis, too many hats to wear and too many tasks to get done. All of this stuff comes along as we race towards the finish…that you can bet on. Living a life in relationship with Christ is not the absence of obstacles…it’s choosing to draw on the strength to overcome them.

He is mighty to save. (Zephaniah 3:17)

And if you’re really lucky, God sends helpers along the run…great friends who speak life and love in truth over you. Friends like Daniel who messages you the day before a long run to help you mentally and physically prepare because he has been down that path before and has learned a thing or two. Friends like Angela who cheers you on from start to finish. Friends who cut you slack when you are hard on yourself. The friends who never judge and always encourage. Friends like Becca who wakes up early with you to run hills or a parking garage. The friends who send you a devotional or scripture verse just because they were thinking of you. The Jesus friends.

 

Oh my soul.

And don’t get me started on my man. He’s a runner’s spouse and that takes a lot of commitment and support. Greg is my biggest fan and greatest supporter. I couldn’t do it with him.

Thank you, Jesus, for your outpouring of blessings. I am undeserving.

Hebrews12:1b-2 And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.

 

Epiphany

I'm so behind on my blogging. I've been meaning to post this one for over a week.

Do you have that one friend who every time you see her you pick up right where you left off no matter how long it has been? You know that friend who will ask you what seems like the simplest of questions only to find yourself bearing your soul. The kind of friend who listens…like really listens with her eyes locked on yours and an open mind. The kind of friend who doesn’t judge you, yet always challenges you to be a better version of you. I do. I have a friend like that, praise be to God.

I saw this friend one Friday night after not having spent much time with her in months. We embraced and agreed it had been too long since we hung out. She asked me how things were going with my kids – a simple and pretty common question among mommies, right?  Then I began my explanation, “Oh girl I was just asking for prayer for my relationship with Tristan. Now that Micah has gone to Kinder and it’s just me and T I can really focus on him which is something he has probably craved his entire life, but hey he’s the second child so you get what you get. Anyway, I can really focus on understanding him. Today I wanted to just hang out with him so we made pancakes and baked zucchini bread and oh man how that boy LOVES to cook. He’s a picky eater but he really loves to cook and I just know we are going to have so much fun cooking together when he grows up. I mean I just haven’t loved him well because I’ve always been so in love with Micah.”

And then my heart sank…

There it was…this epiphany moment…how is it that I haven’t been able to find the words or get my tired Mommy brain around these simple truths? Tristan needs me.  He needs ME. God gave him this crazy, type A, high energy, hot tempered Mommy because he needs me. We are so much alike. Our tempers are explosive. Our energy MUST be expensed. Yet we love passionately.  We both adore Micah and Daddy.

Oh how this Mommy needs Tristan.

He is teaching me to be a praying Mommy…a patient, flexible, creative, Mommy. Sadly, most days he gets an at-her-wits-end crazy Mommy but God isn’t through with me yet. God is showing me all the ugliness in my heart …the selfishness, pride, impatience, and anger. It is painful. Growing and stretching and transforming to the likeness of Jesus is often so very painful…not because God is cruel, but because I am so attached to my stuff  I feel like He is amputating a leg. How ridiculous that I have allowed satan to convince me I cannot survive without my stuff, so much so that I believe it’s a useful appendage?

Lies straight from Hell.

My stuff and all its ugliness is a parasite that will be my demise. It is destroying me and everyone around me. Thank you, God, for loving me so much to not leave me in this state of decay. Lord, thank you for cutting away every part of me that steals life instead of gives it. Thank you for your mercies new with each day. You teach me daily that I can be a better version of me than I was yesterday by your grace if I only pray to you and call on the Holy Spirit power.

He reminds me of Tristan’s life verses and how much truth they speak over us.

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
    whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
    that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
    its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
    and never fails to bear fruit.” -Jerimiah 17

Lord, help me to trust in you every moment of every day. When tantrums come, tempers heat, and tears fall, I will trust in you. When sleep is lost and the crazy train pulls in, I will trust in you. When there are more tears than laughter in a day, I will trust in you.

He's just sooooo cute...it saves him every time.

 

 

More to come about this little cutie in my next post. More about Micah man and all his awesomeness and even more blessings from my amazing friends. God is good!

Beauty from Ashes

Dogs are amazing creatures. They are unbelievably loyal and unconditionally loving. They teach you that training a youngster with routine and discipline has valuable lifelong effects. Dogs teach you the importance of friendship, fun, and riding in the car with the wind blowing through your hair.

Dogs can also teach you about aging in all its indignity. And one day it’s time to say goodbye to an old friend. You experience sorrow and grief… maybe for the first time or maybe it’s a familiar place…a place God needs you to revisit for perspective, sharpening, refining.  I have to admit that grieving through loss is not new to me.

2/13/2002 - 8/5/2014

Yesterday, I kissed a furry little snout one last time and bid my faithful friend farewell.  She was getting old and thin and I knew the time was coming soon but we are never really ready to lose someone we love. Now this may come as a surprise to some, but I sobbed -- horrible, uncontrollable, ugly sobs. The boys didn’t know what to think of me. They were all genuinely so concerned with why Mommy was so sad. They wouldn't leave my side and smothered me with hugs and kisses.

My  Lord. Thank you for those precious moments.

A friend of mine blogged just yesterday about seeing Jesus in the ordinary moments of her ordinary life. It was a great comfort to me to read her words in the midst of my grieving.  You can read it here and I suggest that you do. She’s a beautiful writer. So I’m reading her blog and sobbing and praying and thanking God for all the years he graced me with such a sweet companion.

This little girl was given to me as an encouragement to be brave during a very vulnerable, scary time in my life. She accompanied me to big ol’ Texas in 2002…my Exodus, if you will. She was at one time the only thing I could call my own and the only friend I knew. We grew up together. She has been by my side through the beautiful transformation that comes when a soul surrenders to her Lord.

I realize that this may all be a little too sappy to be over a dog (especially for me). And it is. And I’m just not getting the words right ya’ll but it’s more than just a dog. It’s an entire chapter of life with all its hurt, tragedy, joy, love, birth, and breath. God has been so faithful to me…to my boys. I feel like this post only gives you a small glimpse of a big beautiful canvas God has painted that is our life…our journey. God is so faithful.
 

And what is the beauty to find among the ashes…

…a concerned 3 year old looking deep into my eyes asking, “Mommy? Cwy?” and giving kisses to any knee, shoulder or elbow he can reach.

…a sweet 5 year old drawing picture after picture filled with hearts and Jesus and love to cheer me up.

...a caring husband who stepped in during the hardest part so that I didn’t have to endure it.

…and friends who met us in our grief to let us know we were not alone.

That is one beautiful life. How did I ever get here?

That same scenario can be replayed in any sorrowful or joyful situation we have encountered as of late and it will play the same. Immanuel, God with us, every step of the way. Never once did he leave us.

Friends, either choose to see the grace of God in the ordinary moments that play out your life or choose to sit in your sorrow…your sin…your loneliness…your selfishness. Those who know me well know that I can totally be a Negative Nancy and wallow in self pity and depression. I’m trying to be better in Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13). I’m trying to ask God to give me eyes to see his light in the darkness. I’m trying to look for His extraordinary love in the ordinary moments. I’m learning to embrace His love, count my blessings, and love like this moment may be the last…

…because it just might be.

Fancy enjoying PB pie on her 12th birthday

To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. –Isaiah 61:3

Our family anthem…