I recently went indoor rock climbing for the first time. Basically,
I LOVED IT. Like cannot wait to do it again and again and again I may have an
addiction loved it. There is something about strapping yourself into harness
and belaying yourself to another human being that calls for a lot of guts…and
trust. And both of those can be a challenge at times.
So here I am in this rock climbing gym with a dear friend of
mine listening to instructions on how to safely climb and belay. I’m excited and
nervous and checking my friend’s face for signs of confusion as this hippie kid
explains how to belay my butt down from the rock. She was experienced at
belaying having worked with her husband at the rock gym a few times before. So I’m
solid. Let’s do this…
The Ascent
There is nothing like standing at the bottom of a rock wall
looking straight up at it to make you feel, well, small. My strategy was to just
go for it. Just start climbing and see where it takes me. I made it only half
way up the first time and got stuck. My hand cramped and I couldn’t focus on
the next step. After warming up a bit, I think I got the hang of it.
On one particular ascent I was advised by a fellow climber
to take the gray trail up. The climb was at a corner where two walls meet. It
wasn’t…eh, easy…as was told to me and I got stuck. I couldn’t see my next move
and almost gave up. My friend and fellow climbers on the ground who had a
better picture of the wall called up to me to reach for the wall to my right.
So I went for it. Now I’m straddling mid-air in the corner of these two walls.
Awkward. But hey…awkward worked. I continued to climb to the top of that wall,
pausing to absorb the awesomeness of the moment.
Jesus has the big picture. He knows what your next move
should be. Call out to him. Seek his guidance. He will not steer you wrong.
Last week was rough. My emotions had been everywhere. My
fuse short and temper hot. We found out our youngest has many food allergies
that are causing all his GI and behavioral issues. His tummy was upset a lot.
His behavior was awful…lots of screaming fits and physical battles (just sit in
your car seat for the love of Pete). There was an endless stream of challenges
and inadequacies flowing in faster than I could process. To say I was
overwhelmed is an understatement. I was drowning…spinning out of control and I crave
control.
Why was God allowing this fierce attack? Was it the mission
trip to India that sparked satan’s interest? Is it that my marriage has been
flourishing and communication improved? Was it that I was preparing my oldest
for Kindergarten? Or maybe the new ministry my friend and I are launching with
the local Life Shelter? Lord, what gives?
Maybe it’s all of it. Or none of it. I’m pretty sure it’s
most of it. Ultimately, it’s a promise that God makes to everyone of his
children that he will continue to do a good work in us, pruning away all that
is harmful or dead until we are like Jesus. I have work to do. Sanctification can
be painful sometimes.
Back to the rock wall… every ascent had its set of
challenges. I had to focus, strategize, and contort my limbs in ways I did not
know they could go. I had to dig deep using every ounce of strength I had.
Sometimes my own strength was enough to get me to the top…most times it wasn’t.
Some rocks were hefty and gripped easily…other were mere nubs only a few
fingers or the tip of your shoe could hold. Every one of those rocks required
strength and trust. Strength and trust. Strength and trust. Several times I got
stuck. I called down to my friend that I
was ready to come down. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is also quite
challenging.
The Descent
In order to descend the climber must let go of the wall. Ahem…I
said LET GO. You simply grab the rope, lean back and trust that the friend on
the ground will belay you down slow and easy. Seriously, this was more
challenging than climbing the wall for me. Don’t get me wrong…I trust my friend
with my children. But I’m a control freak. I can’t just let go and trust.
Epiphany
When I mustered enough guts to let go, it was amazing! The
adrenaline was surging. I was laughing like a hyena and shaking like a leaf.
But it was amazing. What a relief to let go of the burden of holding your
weight to a wall by clinging only to a few nubs of rock. What a joy to swing
freely and lightly in the air after the hard work of climbing was done.
The other day I am standing in my kitchen baking muffins for
my boys who are making lots of noise in the background I’m trying to tune out
and pondering again just what in the world God is up to with these relentless
challenges. And He whispered… let go.
Well I lost it right there over the pumpkin spice muffins.
My incredible Father in Heaven spoke gently to my heart to just let go. Now I could
burst into song from Frozen but I will spare everyone. But for a type A controller
like me letting go is a big deal. Who better to trust with my life…my mess, my
stuff, all my feels…than the One who created me and authored every day of my
crazy life?
Yes, Jesus. I let go.
Take all this stuff and all these feels I can’t bear alone. I let go. Forgive
me for holding on too long. The weight of it is killing me.
And in that moment I remembered what it felt like to let go
of the rock wall. I felt lighter, free, held, and stronger for having climbed.
Jesus is worth trusting with your life. He is the ONLY one
trustworthy. He has never let me free fall to my demise and he promises to
never let that happen. He is our refuge and strength. A help in time of need.
In His strength we can do all things. Climbing a rock wall and even letting go.
Come to me, all you who are weary and
burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and
humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew
11:28-30
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid
or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God
goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6
Cast your cares on him because he cares for
you. 1Peter 5:7
…though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord
upholds him with his right hand. Psalm 37:2
God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at
break of day. Psalm 46:5
