A Rusty Toolbox

The last couple of years have been especially challenging for our little family. Together we have welcomed a new brother, lost way too many hours of sleep, endured bypass surgery, discovered food allergies, learned of a loved one’s cancer diagnosis, explored vegan/vegetarian diets, trained for a marathon, and fasted and prayed and fasted and prayed. Through it all, God is faithful. God is good. Yet some of the greatest challenges come in the day to day raising of our boys. We have no idea what we are doing. We have a rusty old toolbox of crappy, broken tools none of which are right ones for the job. We have struggled and argued and prayed…rinse and repeat.

Psalm 13:1-4 How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

  

I am a student of the heart. My profession involves peering into the physical hearts of patients using the miracle of ultrasound technology. It is a tool that has revolutionized cardiovascular care by enabling doctors to diagnose and treat conditions of the heart. I know how the heart forms from conception to birth. I know all the defects that could possibly occur during this delicate time of growth. And I know all the degenerative disease processes that can alter an aging heart. So it’s more than a little ironic that I am just now figuring out a few things about how God designed the hearts of my boys.

Micah has a genuinely kind heart. He is devastated if he thinks you are upset with him. He wouldn't dream of saying an unkind word to or about anyone. I adore his innocence and Christ-likeness. On our drive home from a friend’s house last night we were talking about hopefully having another good (behavior) week like the last. Micah said that he really is a good boy because he is a “good friend, shares with others, and loves God and Jesus more than anything else.” It’s absolutely true! He is a man after God’s own heart. He reminds me so much of King David. He has compassion towards everyone, loves effortlessly, and pursues God. He’s the kid everyone wants to be around. Lord, help us to train Micah up in the way everlasting. Help us to be good stewards of the gift of parenting his kind, gentle heart. You are growing him into a servant leader like your son Jesus.

Micah 6:8 He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God.

We are thrilled to share that Tristan is improving in leaps in bounds. Since beginning speech therapy twice weekly since October, he has gained a ton of confidence in speaking to others. My heart smiles every time a teacher, relative, or friend has commented how much Tristan spoke to them that day. He’s always been a mystery to us as parents but the Lord has heard our pleas. He is merciful to us and has unlocked T’s little heart.  He’s happier…which is a BIG deal! Don’t get me wrong he is still very much so a 3yr old with big opinions. We have been asking God to show us how to parent him because it’s oh so very different from how Micah needs us to parent. I have researched and pow-wowed with my Mommy friends and his speech therapist. Finally, the Lord opened my eyes. Let’s just say there are a few shiny new tools in the box and that makes me giddy like a kid on Christmas morning. Our biggest challenge with trying out these new tools is consistency…Lord help us. Give us a will stronger than Tristan’s!

Jeremiah 17:7-9 Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord; whose confidence is in him. He is like a tree planted by a river with roots that reach deep into the water. It does not worry when the heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

There has been another sweet epiphany about our dear Tristan. God led me to a little Bible study about how to raise hard to handle boys. Now I don’t know if I want to label my boys as hard to handle…but aren’t all boys harder to handle for Mommas? I mean, I’m not a boy. I don’t know how they think, feel or act. Regardless, this little jewel of a study has been like new air to breathe. Bless it. What I’ve learned is to look for all the ways God has specifically designed Micah and Tristan; to embrace those qualities and pray, pray, pray God teaches me how to reign them in for his glory. 

For instance, Tristan has a very strong will. He has broken down his Daddy and I far too many times than we’d like to admit. Instead of fighting against him all the time or trying to break his spirit, I have learned to thank God for who Tristan will grow to be in Christ-- a force to be reckoned with! When Tristan makes up his mind about something he will set after it tenaciously with everything he has in him. Tristan also has very big emotions. Ok, he’s just flippin’ dramatic. Sad is devastated. Anger is fury. Happy is ecstatic. You get the picture. What I haven’t seen before is that he is a wide open book. How easy it is to know the condition of his heart when he wears it on his sleeve. Praise Jesus! On the other hand, I have often worried over Micah for the very opposite situation. He internalizes everything around him. All the feels get locked up in his heart. And I pray the Lord will be his refuge, a strong tower to run to. Again, the study has helped me to focus more on being a student of my boys’ hearts rather than conforming them into what the world or we believe they should be. 

Maybe experienced parents reading this are nodding their head and wondering what took us so long to come around…maybe those people should have done us a favor and mentored us with loving guidance instead of the ever so useless comments like, “oh they will grow out of it,” or “wow, he’s energetic,” or “that one needs to toughen up,” or “hang in there; it gets easier.” What a load of crap. But we don’t blame you. Maybe you have a rusty old box of broken tools too.

Psalm 13:5-6 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me.